


The Story of a Troubled Love

by melissa6592



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissa6592/pseuds/melissa6592
Summary: Never take a job you don't know full description of, you might just end up working for Hydra.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story starts after the Battle of New York, September 2012.

My family works for Hydra. When I was younger I had assumed they worked for SHIELD because they were always so secretive about their jobs and when I asked them about it they didn’t deny it. We never really talked much, but I had my brothers. That was until I was 9 and they started working at the same place as my parents. Then I was alone. I spent most of my teen years by myself. I didn’t have many friends. I studied for school a lot and I also got very familiar with computers. I got my first PhD when I was 18 which got me into the SHIELD training academy. By the time I was 20 I graduated from the academy and got my second PhD. 

I was excited when my dad told me he has a position for me at his work. I felt like I could finally be in on my family’s secrets. It was my first day on the job. When we got to the building I had to take my picture for an ID. Then my dad and I got into an elevator and we went down to the basement. I thought it was strange but he told me it was because they were bringing back their “greatest weapon”, whatever that means. I was a little nervous because I didn’t know what the hell I was going find down there. 

We reach the basement, turn right, and stop in front of a door. My dad scans his ID card and the door unlocks only to reveal another door which has a key pad. He enters the code “2246, remember those numbers,” he tells me. He opens the door and there’s a narrow flight of stairs going down. So we walk down the stairs and into this underground tunnel. I can picture myself getting lost in here. When my dad said he had a job for me he told me they needed a doctor, but I don’t remember him mentioning this in my job description. 

We enter a small room to the left and I see a giant human sized-pod at the back of the room. There appears to be a little glass square at the top like a window with frost around it and I swear I see a face in it. This guy in a white coat types something on his computer and the little window looks like its defrosting. I let out a little gasp as I realise what it is. They open the pod and out comes this huge shirtless guy with a metal arm. I turn to my dad and say “Dad, that’s a person,” It was the first thing I thought of, I wasn’t sure what was going on. 

As the scientists carry him out, I study him a little more. He has shoulder length dark brown hair that falls in front of his face and it looks like he just got out of a gym with water dripping down his muscles...Sorry I should stop. He lifts up his head slightly and his hair moves away from his face. I gasped even louder this time when I realise who the person is. I recognized that face from my history books; it was Bucky Barnes from WWII. What. The. Fuck.

Once they got Bucky out of the room this old dude with blonde hair introduces himself to me and shakes my hand. His name is Alexander Pierce the current head of Hydra. This is another surprise to me because I thought the company I was going to work for was SHIELD. Pierce takes me into another room, even smaller than last one; it looks like an interrogation room. He sits in the chair farthest from the door and motions for me to sit opposite. He gives me a brief history of “Hydra’s greatest weapon” he refers to him as the Winter Soldier. He doesn’t go into much detail, just that the Winter Soldier has been working with Hydra for decades and has been basically doing their dirty work. That’s not how he put it, but it’s the truth. 

I’m stunned; I can’t believe that Bucky would betray Captain America and work for their enemy. I also thought that Hydra was finished since the Red Skull was dead. I mentioned this to Pierce and he told me that Hydra only grew stronger over the years and in the shadows because of Arnim Zola, a Swiss scientist who was recruited to SHIELD many years ago. “Any other questions?” Pierce asked me. I didn’t know what else to say so he assigned my first task, which was to get a blood sample from the Winter Soldier. 

I could have left that day, maybe I should have, but I don’t regret staying. I didn’t want to disappoint my family after all. I’m standing in a bright room that looks like a torture chamber that was built in the 1970s. Except it’s supposed to be the opposite of that, it’s an infirmary. There’s a chair in the middle of the room with straps attached to the arms and a mobile table with needles and test tubes. I’m waiting for Bucky or the Winter Soldier as I’m supposed to call him. I’m shaking, I don’t know what to expect. I’m not really looking forward to being in a room alone with him. Pierce was telling me a couple of hours ago that the Winter Soldier has killed over two dozen people while he was with Hydra. 

I’m debating whether I should stay or just get the hell out when the door opens. My stomach drops, it’s too late I have to stay. He walks in alone. He doesn’t say anything; he just stands in the doorway. He’s pretty freaking tall, like at least 6 feet, his head almost reaches the doorway. I feel awkward, I don’t know if I should say something so I decide to just introduce myself. “Hi, my name is Cassidy,” I say a little shakier than I intended. He still doesn’t speak so I tell him to sit down and he does, it’s like he was just waiting for me to tell him what to do. He doesn’t seem so threatening anymore, but I’m still cautious. So I start to prepare to take some blood. I’m a little more comfortable since I’m doing what I know best. I grab the needle and before I stick it inside his arm, the right one, since the left is made out of metal, he sees it and all of a sudden his blank expression turns into something else. 

He looks terrified. What the hell did they do to him? This is not the face of a murderer, so I gently put my hand on his shoulder and tell him that it’s not going to hurt. I suggest to him that he should turn away and when he does I slowly insert the needle. When I finish I tell him it’s over and begin to pack my stuff away. He gets up and starts for the door. He appears to be shivering a bit. I don’t know if it’s from being cold or because of the needle I just stuck in him. So I ask him if he’s cold and he says very softly, “Yes.”

As we get out the door into the hallway I ask one of the dudes outside if they can give him a jacket. The guy doesn’t answer he just tosses me a set of keys and tells me to bring the Winter Soldier to his room. I’m confused because I don’t know where that is so I let the guy know and he rolls his eyes at me like I should I know this place on the back of my hand. He tells me to listen closely because he’s not going to repeat himself. “Go right down this hallway, then turn left at the first hallway, turn left again, and then turn right, there should be a door at the end of that hallway.” He speaks very fast so I hope I didn’t miss anything. I was never good at directions. 

So we go right down the hallway and as we’re walking I tell Winter Soldier about the time I got lost on my first day of high school and how I was walking around in circles with some other guy in my class. I’m not even sure he’s listening, but I talk anyways to fill in the awkward silence. Um…shit. I forgot which way we were supposed to turn. I remember turning left, then left again, but I can’t remember what comes next. I turn to Buck- I mean Winter Soldier and ask if he knows. He just nods and turns right and there is the door at the end of the hall like the guy said. 

We get to the end and I have this key ring with about fifty keys on it. Great. I have to start somewhere, so I pick a random key and try it. Nothing. Of course. When I start to lose count on which key I’m on I get it to unlock. I open the door and inside is a tiny room with a metal bench that I think is supposed to be a bed. I turn on the light and it flickers. I look at Winter Soldier and he doesn’t seem to care. Before he goes inside and closes the door I ask him the directions back he quietly tells me which way to go. “Thanks” I respond and I turn and walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day I’m not scheduled to work but I go in anyways. I get a ride with my dad and he asks why I’m going so I lie and tell him that I want to learn more about the company. I mean, it’s not totally untrue I’m just curious to know more about Bucky Barnes and he kind of is part of Hydra. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not because I have a huge crush on him, that doesn’t happen until later. I get into the elevator with my father and instead of turning right with him I go left into the file room. I’m searching through the filing cabinets and it’s organized in alphabetical order. I get to the B’s and of course he’s not in there, so I check the W’s and sure enough there is under the name Winter Soldier. 

I start from the earliest date: 1943, the year that his unit was captured by Hydra. I know all this from history class in grade 11, but what I didn’t know was that they took him aside and the scientist named Zola experimented on him. He tried, with many attempts, to replicate the super soldier serum that they used to create Captain America. I guess that explains why Bucky was afraid of needles. 

After he was rescued by Steve Rogers he went back into the war with the Howling Commandos to destroy Hydra. Then Bucky fell off the train, so Zola got some Hydra agents to collect him at the bottom of the cliff. After the war was over Zola was recruited to SHIELD and started his own Hydra operations in the shadows. He built this machine that took away Bucky’s memories so they could have total control over him. That sounds disturbing. 

So over the years they would use him to kill people who they thought were a threat to Hydra or if the target had something useful for them. I stop reading, I can`t take this anymore. I take the rest of his files and bring it home to read later. I took my dad`s car back, he could just go home with my mother or brothers. 

When I go into work the next day I still don’t have anything to do yet. I decide I’ll take this time to familiarize myself with their underground base. I find a map in the file room and study it. I go down to the basement with the map and walk around finding places. There are a lot of locked doors. I wonder if there’s anything in there or if they’re just empty. 

Finally I find a door that’s unlocked and inside is a gym. I see the Winter Soldier lifting weights. The weights look to be about 200 lbs which makes me nervous. He doesn’t have a shirt on so I can see the muscles on his chest, stomach, and arms. He’s really fit for someone who spent his time frozen for I don’t know how long, but I guess he needs to be fit to be an assassin. It must have something to do with the experiments that were done on him, just like with Captain America. 

I don’t realize I’m staring at him. He looks at me and I awkwardly smile and wave at him. What the hell is wrong with me? I turn and leave the room before I can embarrass myself further. When I leave the gym some Hydra dude sees me. “What are you doing?” He demands. With a shaky voice I answer, “Nothing, I was just trying to find my way around.” I hold up the map as I’m saying this. “Why don’t you come in when we call you?” He said this as an order. 

A couple of weeks later I’m called in. The Winter Soldier’s first mission is to retrieve a weapon that was used by Loki during the Battle of New York. The weapon is secured by SHIELD in a place called The Fridge. Nobody we know has access to that place so we have to take it by force. Winter Soldier goes with some Hydra operatives, they’re known at SHIELD as the STRIKE team. I only know one of the guys’ names, it’s Brock Rumlow, and he’s one of the Cap’s friends. I’m here in case something goes wrong and I have to patch someone up. 

While we’re waiting I think about the Battle of New York. I think about Loki who terrorized a whole city just by using Hydra’s old weapon. It opened a portal and let in Chitari aliens. I’m not sure what planet they’re from. That’s when the Avengers first fought together. It stirred up a lot of controversy, though. Not many people knew if we could trust them, but they just saved an entire city, I don’t know what more they could do to earn our trust. Loki was arrested and taken back to Asgard by his brother, Thor, and nobody stopped talking about it since.

A lot of teenage girls on the internet were talking about how hot Loki was. For some reason they liked him more than the heroes, I mean I’m not denying that he’s hot, but he did kill a bunch of people. Personally I like Steve Rogers the most. I kind of had a crush on him since 2005 when we were learning about WWII and watching his movies. Now I ended up working with his best friend who I definitely do not have a crush on.

The STRIKE team make it back with the Winter Soldier a few hours later and nobody has any injuries. They have the weapon. Pierce takes it and puts it in a box. “We’re going to ship it to our friends in Sokovia.” Then they put the Winter Soldier back into cryo freeze. They tell me they’re going to let me work in the labs upstairs where the other doctors and scientists work until they unfreeze him. I don’t know how many of them are SHIELD and how many of them are Hydra, but I don’t try to find out.

When I get home I go to bed thinking about the Winter Soldier as I do most nights. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about him, ever since I read his files. I learned about everything he did or at least whatever was in the files. All the people they made him kill; all the torture he had to endure so they can make him do what they wanted. It makes me sick; I can’t believe they could do this to a person. I wish I could do something about it, but there’s nothing I could do. 

When I fall asleep I dream of him. It’s the first time I see him in my dreams. I’m at work and it’s just the two of us. No annoying Hydra agents, no Pierce, just me and Bucky. We’re in the place where we first officially met and he’s sitting in that chair, shirtless of course. I’m asking him about the things they did to him. I don’t remember what he says back, I just remember looking into his greyish blue eyes and thinking how pretty they looked in the light. I wake up confused. What does this mean? Am I falling in love with him? I can’t be. I sigh in frustration.


	3. Chapter 3

After six months they bring Bucky out of cryo. When they called me in he was already out. They’re getting him ready for his next mission. Some Hydra agent betrayed them; they caught him stealing information, he didn’t get it, but he ended up getting away. Their job is to find him and kill him. This made me nervous because I’m not loyal to Hydra and if they found that out they’d kill me too. When I see Bucky I gasp, “He looks like a walking copse,” I exclaimed. I’ve seen dead bodies up close; it was part my medical training and Bucky looked like one of them. He was extremely pale, with dark circles under his eyes. If he hadn’t been moving I’d think he were dead, the thought makes me shudder. 

I look at Pierce, “Just give me a few minutes with him so I can see what’s wrong.” He glares at me, “They need to go now.” “It’s my job to keep him alive, let me do my job.” He hesitates, “Fine.” I walk towards Bucky, “Come on.” He follows me. Usually when someone is pale it means they’re not getting enough nutrition and the dark circles is most likely from lack of sleep. “Have you been sleeping?” I ask him. “Not much,” he responds quietly. “Why is that?” He looks down at the floor and doesn’t answer. I think I know the answer so I don’t ask him again. “Have you been eating enough?” He just shrugs. “You need to eat more fruits and vegetables.” 

I know there’s a kitchen in here, but I’ve never really looked at what they had. “Come with me.” We walk to the kitchen and I look inside the fridge. I find an apple and give it to him, “Here eat this.” I noticed there wasn’t much fruits and vegetables. I make a note to myself to buy some. I want to say something to him, I want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok and that I will get him out of this, but that would be a lie because there’s nothing I can do about that. I feel helpless and it makes me angry. I wish I could do something to help him, but I can’t think of any way to escape this without it ending badly.

We’re waiting for Bucky to get back from his mission. I’m standing in a room with a chair at the back. It looks almost like an electric chair and I don’t want to think about what its purpose is for, although I have a feeling I know what it does. Bucky walks in the room with two other Hydra agents and he sits in the creepy looking chair. He looks distant, like his mind is somewhere else. 

One of the Hydra agents talks to Pierce telling him what happened. I can make out a few words he’s saying, it’s something about Bucky getting distracted and wandering off. When Pierce asks Bucky about this he says that he doesn’t know what happened. He looks confused like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. It made more sense to me later on when I found out the mission took place close to Brooklyn, Bucky’s home town. It must have been familiar to him, but being wiped of all his memories he can’t remember why that is. 

Pierce looks like he’s deciding what to do with him. I start to get nervous. If Bucky is remembering something then they’re going to want to make him forget and there’s only one way to do that. Pierce turns to one of the scientists who operate the machine that Bucky is sitting in and he says two words that change Bucky’s expression from blank to fearful, “Wipe him.” They push him back into the chair, put a mouth guard in his mouth, and the metal restraints closes around his arms. He’s breathing really heavy and shaking like he knows what that thing does. Then the metal plates close around his head and it makes an electrical sound. The noise is drowned out by his muffled screams. 

I just stand there frozen. His screams fill my head and I want to cover my ears and scream back. Everything I read in his file did not prepare me for this. I knew it was bad but actually watching it happen is much, much worse. The machine finally lets him go and they take out the mouth guard and release the restraints. My hands are shaking and I want to cry but I can't show any emotion around them or they'll get suspicious. Pierce gets a book out of his coat pocket. It’s red and has a black star on it. He starts saying words in Russian; I didn’t know he could even speak Russian. I understand what he’s saying, but I don’t know what these words are supposed to mean. 

All that confusion and pain on Bucky’s face is gone and is replaced by the blank expression that he normally has. [Ready to comply] he says in Russian. Pierce responds in English telling him that he has to complete his mission and Bucky leaves with the other two Hydra agents. Pierce and the scientists follow him out. That just leaves me and my father in the room. I don’t even look at him, I can’t. He starts to speak to me and I just say “Don’t” and walk out. 

When we get home I don’t say a word to him or my family. I can’t believe they would be willing to work for these horrible people. I eat my dinner in silence. I can’t get Bucky’s muffled screams out of my head. When I’m done I put my dishes in the sink and go to my room. I feel betrayed by my family. I mean I knew Hydra was evil, but this is beyond evil. I want to leave, but I can’t stand the thought of leaving Bucky with those people. Not that me staying there would make any difference to him. 

I think of taking Bucky out of there and just running away, but there’s no way I can do that without getting us both killed or maybe they’ll just kill me and torture Bucky even more. Either way it would not end well for the both of us. I listen to some music and imagine myself going into Hydra and shooting every agent down there, sparing my dad, and stealing Bucky and getting him the hell out of there. My imagination isn’t usually this violent, but I’m listening to One Step Closer by Linkin Park. Ironically it calms me down. I may not be able to escape Hydra, but I can distance myself from my family. It's time for me to find a new place to live.

I’m scheduled to work four days after that. Pierce wants me to take more blood from Bucky. So I get to the place that looks like a torture chamber and wait, just like my first day. Except this time I’m not afraid. The door opens and he walks in. I introduce myself again because he wouldn’t remember the first time and tell him to sit down. He silently does what I say. It’s like Déjà vu, he gives me the same terrified look and I tell him it’s going to be fine. This time that rude guy doesn’t ask me to bring him to his room. Instead there’s a different guy waiting to take him away. I have nothing else to do so I go up to the file room and read about Hydra’s history. I don’t know why exactly, I just figure it’s good to know your enemy if you want to take them down. Not that I’m planning to. 

I end up reading about the Red Skull, Johan Schmidt, and what I got from it is that he was deranged. He believed he was a god. The things he believed in weren’t false, though, because it says he was looking for something called the cosmic cube, which turned out to be the tesseract that Loki used to try to take over the world. There was also some stuff about other similar objects called infinity stones. 

So I ditch his files and look for the ones about the infinity stones because it sounds more interesting than a psychopath who wants to rule the world. I learn that there are six infinity stones and a couple of them have locations while the rest haven’t been seen in centuries. The tesseract, A.K.A., the space gem is currently in Asgard. The reality gem is hidden in an unknown realm; its last sighting was in 650 BC. The time, power, mind, and soul gem are nowhere to be found.


	4. Chapter 4

There’s been a conflict between Pierce and an organization of Wakanda. One of the representatives of their weapons district refused to sell to Pierce telling him he didn’t believe in his practices. This isn’t good. It means now they’re going to have to kill him and take the weapons. Wakanda and their people are really high advanced and I don’t think it’s a very good idea to attack them. Of course I don’t give a shit about the other Hydra agents, but I’m afraid for Bucky. I don’t want him to get hurt. 

I turn to Pierce as he explains the mission, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to attack the people of Wakanda.” He looks at me, “We have to show them that we don’t take no for an answer. If we don’t do anything it shows that we are weak.” I want to tell him that they are weaker than them and should accept defeat, but I don’t. Rumlow and his STRIKE team go with Bucky to the Wakandan embassy located near Washington State.

After four hours they get back. I see Rumlow come in supporting Bucky. He’s holding his left side and I see dark blood seeping through his hand. He’s bleeding really badly from his lower abdomen; it looks like he’s been stabbed. Rumlow is bleeding as well on his arm and chest; it appears he’s been slashed by a knife in a few places, but it’s not as severe as Bucky’s wound. I run toward Bucky and put my hand over his to help him stop the bleeding. I try to bring him to my work station. Pierce stops them. “Mission report,” he demands. I yell at him, “Can’t you see he’s bleeding?!” He ignores me, “Mission report.” It’s Rumlow that answers, “We killed Oladosu but we were attacked by the king’s son.” I notice two men who went with them are missing, but they don’t acknowledge it. Hydra doesn’t value life; they don’t care if someone gets killed. “Did you get the weapons?” “No.” Pierce sighs, “Very well.” 

He waves to dismiss us. I bring Bucky to the infirmary. He’s white as a ghost and soaked with sweat. He’s lost too much blood, but I don’t have any on hand. “I’ll be right back.” I tell him. I have to move quickly, so I run to the stairs, to the elevator, and to the lab. I open the refrigerator and frantically look for his blood type. As soon as I find it I dash to the elevator and back to where Bucky is. I gently take off his shirt to patch up his wound. It’s pretty deep so I’ll have to give him stitches. Before I do I insert the needle that’s attached to the pint of blood. I put numbing cream on his side so he doesn’t feel the stitching. When I first started working at Hydra I looked through their medical supplies and I noticed they didn’t have any kind of numbing cream or anything that gets rid of pain. Another sick game of theirs probably. So I bought it myself. 

I get out the stitches and begin working on him. “Everything's going to be fine,” I tell him. He doesn’t look like he’s pain; he actually appears to be calm. I have a sick feeling that I know the reason for it; he’s used to pain. After the stitching is done I put some gauze over it. I give Bucky a towel to wipe his face and body of his sweat and blood. The next day they inform me that Bucky is back into cryo and I should resume my work at the labs. I’m disappointed and relived at the same time. I won’t be seeing Bucky for a long time, I don’t know how long, but at least I know Hydra can’t hurt him from where he is.


	5. Chapter 5

After a year and a half later I get a message from Hydra telling me they’re going to wake up Bucky. Right now I’m in the labs so I run to the elevators and head downstairs to the basement. I get to the room where they’re keeping him in and he’s still frozen. I can see his face through the glass which starts to defrost. They take him out, he’s shirtless like always. I don’t know why they never give him a shirt. I just want to put a sweater on him, he looks cold. His hair and body is dripping wet from the defrosted ice and he looks disoriented like he doesn’t know where he is. He’s probably confused right now. They tell me to wait in this room and they take him away. A Hydra agent stays behind and tells me Bucky’s mission will be in nine days and Pierce wants me to pick him up when he’s done. I’ve never been a part of one his missions before and it makes me really nervous.

The clock on my dashboard reads 12:01 AM. I’m outside Steve’s apartment waiting for Bucky to finish his mission. I try not to think about what he’s supposed to be doing, although I know exactly what it is. He was sent here to kill Nick Fury. It turns out Fury has been getting closer to finding out that SHIELD has been taken over by Hydra. I have the radio on low just to pass the time. After about twenty minutes he appears, I’m not exactly sure where he even came from, the streets were deserted not too long ago. 

He opens the door and gets in the car. We’re both silent. I think about driving the other way and leaving Hydra for good, but Pierce told me they keep a GPS tracker on the cars like he suspected me to run away. I drive back to the SHIELD headquarters. In the back there’s a secret tunnel that only a few people know about. It's how Bucky comes and goes into the building without being seen. I park just a few feet away and we walk towards it. Hiding under some grass is a trap door. It leads to some stairs and we climb down. I turn on the flashlight on my phone to see where I’m going. As were walking I look at Bucky through my peripherals. He has a blank expression his face like he usually does. I wonder what he's thinking, if he's thinking anything at all. I have the urge to hold his hand but that would be weird so I don't. After five minutes we reach a door at the end of the tunnel and go inside. Some other Hydra agents are waiting for us including Alexander Pierce. He motions for Bucky to follow him and tells me I could go home. 

The next day was the day I got fired. Getting dismissed at Hydra is a lot different and much worse than at regular jobs. Usually the employer would take you into his office, sit you down, and talk about how you were a great addition to the company but they unfortunately had to let you go. That’s not how it happened. I didn’t get any warning or anything, just one day on my day off; I stayed up late, like most days, on my computer. When I got ready for bed it was past midnight. I went to my room and there he was; the Winter Soldier was waiting for me. I was hoping he was there so we could run away together, but that didn’t happen. I knew something was wrong because he was holding a gun and wearing his mask. 

For a second we were both staring at each other, I’m not sure if he recognized me, but I wasn’t going to take that chance. He held up the gun to my face and luckily he was close enough for me to block it. He fires it twice into the head of my bed and I manage to kick to the gun out of his hand. Immediately he reaches for his knife. I grab the blanket on my bed and throw it on him and kick him to the ground. Not my best weapon of choice, but it slowed him down. I ran out of my room before he hit the floor and made sure to close the door. I sprint down the stairs and head for the front door. Before I leave I grab my purse on the hook. I don’t have time to put on shoes or a jacket because I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. 

I go through my front door and close it. I hear a gunshot and feel a stinging in my right arm. I jump to the side over the railing as he fires another shot and get in my car. As I get out of the driveway and onto the street I see him in my rear-view mirror pointing the gun straight at me. I slide down as much as I can without obscuring my whole view of the road and floor it. The glass in the rear window breaks and I turn the corner as a few more bullets hit the side of my car. I don’t stop driving without a clue of where I’m going. 

I speed through stop lights and stop signs hoping that a cop won’t be around to pull me over. It would be kind of hard to explain what the hell I was doing speeding in the middle of the night with my back window broken and blood spilling from my arm. I slow down a bit when I see that he’s not tailing me, but I keep driving for a couple more hours. When my adrenaline stopped pumping I started to feel fatigued from lack of sleep and the fact that I had to literally fight for my life. I’m still not sure how I escaped that, either I got lucky or he wasn’t trying hard enough, maybe it was a bit of both. I’m just glad I stayed up late otherwise I’d be dead for sure.

I have no idea where I am, but I need to stop because I’m too tired to continue driving. I’m not sure where I should go, I’m afraid to stop at a motel in case they come looking for me. I see an abandon roller coaster that I recognize as what used to be Williams Grove Amusement Park in Pennsylvania. I used to go there a kid. I figure I should stop there because it’s familiar to me and also because Hydra wouldn’t go looking for me at abandoned roller coasters. Granted it’s not my best choice for a rest stop considering just a few hours ago I almost got murdered, but it’ll have to do. I pull up about a mile up the road and park my car in a field. 

Before I get out of the car I take out my First Aid kit and clean and bandage my arm. I grab the sweater that I keep in the trunk and put it on. I’m halfway toward the coaster when I think this is a crazy idea, but it’s too late now. I stop at the roller coaster, called the Cyclone, it was my favourite ride, and I decide to sleep in one of the cars. This place used to be bright, colourful, and full of happy families. My family may not have been the happiest, but spending time at this place made me forgot about all that. 

I can’t sleep of course because it’s super uncomfortable and I’m afraid someone is going pop out of nowhere and try to kill me again. I hear rustling in the tress nearby and keep thinking that they somehow managed to track me down and finish the job. It’s just my imagination I tell myself and I hope it’s the truth. I try to close my eyes and think of the times when I came here and I was happy and carefree. 

I don’t know how much time passes when I hear the rustling again, it’s louder this time. I start to panic when I notice a black figure moving in the trees. I see him; the Winter Soldier came to complete his mission. He’s about ten feet away from me so there’s nothing I can do to stop him when he points his gun at me. I jerk awake. I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep, it was just a nightmare. There’s no one here to kill me. I try to go back to sleep reassuring myself that there’s no way Hydra could find me here.


	6. Chapter 6

When I wake up it takes me a second to figure out where I am and what happened. I was hoping it was all just a bad dream. I have no clue what time it is. I left my phone at home plugged into my wall. Maybe it’s better that way, Hydra may be tracking my phone. I go up the road to the nearest town for some food. I hope nobody questions my lack of shoes. I go to a place called TJ Rockwell’s American Grill and Tavern, I look at the news playing on the TV and it tells me that it’s 11:37 AM. I order something called a BBQ chicken and ranch wrap and a coke. It’s not that busy in here so the food comes in just under twenty minutes. Good thing too because I‘m starving. As hungry as I am though, I make sure to save some food for later. 

The few people that are in here stare at me because I’m in my pajamas and socks; I probably look dirty and sweaty as well. After I finish eating I go to the bathroom to get cleaned up a bit. I have sweat and dirt plastered on my face and it looks I haven’t slept in days, which isn’t totally untrue. I look like a crazy person who just escaped an asylum; I hope nobody calls the police. I leave the place before anyone has a chance to ask questions and head back to my temporary home. At some distance away from the Cyclone I notice a few teens taking pictures on the cars. I stay away until they clear out. 

The next day I go back the same restaurant as yesterday hoping that there are different people working there and nobody recognizes me. I order the cheeseburger wrap this time and a sprite. As I’m eating I see something on the TV. It’s showing Washington DC and three giant planes crash to the ground. No, not planes, they’re helicarriers. I almost forgot about those. The news reporter is talking about SHIELD and how most of it was just Hydra all along. Some people were getting arrested as a result. I don’t see my family. 

I decide that’s my cue to go back home. I finish the whole meal this time and head out to my car. By the time I get back it’s 2:24 PM. There’s police cars parked outside along with my friend’s car. I hadn’t realized people would notice I was missing and by the way my house looks they probably thought I was murdered. There are a couple of bullet holes in my front door. I don’t know what’s waiting for me inside. 

I open the door and inside are two police officers and my friends, Alison, Jasmine, and Caroline. They’re all shouting at me at the same time. I catch glimpses of what they’re saying such as “Where have you been?” and “What the hell happened to you?” I’m not sure what to tell them. Of course the police have to ask me questions, though they’re a lot calmer than my friends. One of the officers asks me to tell him what happened to me. I figure I shouldn’t lie, but I won’t tell the whole truth. I explain how I almost got murdered by some guy, I don’t say who, and I laid low for a while. I also said how I just found out this morning that my parents worked for Hydra and I assumed it had something to do with that. I tell them that that’s all I know about the situation and they don’t ask anything else. I hug my friends and tell them I’m going to be fine. They stay for a bit longer and when they finally leave I head to bed. 

I go upstairs to find my bedroom door ripped off the hinges and on the floor leaning against my bed. There are also two bullet holes in my bed’s head board and the blanket is crumpled in the corner on the floor. I get the door and just place on the floor, not sure what to do with it and grab the blanket to put it on the bed. I assume that since Hydra has been exposed nobody will be looking for me. I crash on my bed and wonder what happened to Bucky since Hydra is no more. Did he get away? I hope so. Despite that fact that he tried to kill me a couple of days ago, I know that it wasn’t his fault. I know what they did to him and I put all the blame on them. I wonder if my family knew about this. All the more reason to resent them. 

When I wake in the morning I realize that I don’t have a job. I forgot that I got fired from Hydra, not that it mattered since the building was destroyed anyway. So I start looking for a job. I get a phone call from my friends asking me to go over. I feel exhausted but I tell them I’ll be over anyway. I know they’re going to ask a million questions. When I go over I don’t tell them any details of what happened, just where I’ve been. I don’t think they’d understand if I did tell them because they don’t know I worked for Hydra. If I told them who tried to kill me they’d hate him and I don’t want that. I told my friends about my recent unemployment due to the fact that SHIELD has been destroyed and it turns out Caroline’s employer is looking for someone to hire. She works in an office building ten minutes away and they’re looking for an administrative assistant. It’s not what I wanted to do in my career, but it’ll have to do for now.


	7. Chapter 7

After half a year later there’s still no news about Bucky. I’ve been checking my laptop everyday now for something. At this point it’s just a habit; I don’t even except to find anything. Nothing comes up, I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I haven’t heard anything about him since the helicarrier crash so I don’t know if he’s alive. All they said about him that day was that the Winter Soldier was identified as James Buchanan Barnes and that he’s gone missing, along with Steve Rogers. Well I hope that they’re together somewhere in hiding. 

I go to bed and try not to think about him too much. I drift off to sleep and dream about my family. They have a disappointed look on their face like I was the one who dragged them into this. I’m so angry at them, angry that they put me through this and I’m yelling at them when suddenly I’m shaken awake. I find Bucky standing over me covering my mouth, probably so I don’t scream. I panic because the last time he was in my room he tried to kill me. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he says. I calm down when I see that he’s not wearing his mask and I feel stupid for thinking he was going to kill me. He’s not even with Hydra anymore what would be the point of that?

He lets go of my mouth when he sees that I’ve calmed down and sits on my bed. He doesn’t say anything, he just sits there and I’m confused as hell so I ask him what he’s doing here. “I don’t know,” he responds and says nothing else. I sit up. “I think I do,” I tell him. “Last time you were here you tried to kill me, maybe you came back to finish the job” I don’t say it with any hatred in my voice, I just state is as a fact. “Sorry,” he replies and he looks down. I feel bad because I didn’t want him to feel guilty about it. I put my hand on his shoulder “It’s ok, Bucky, I know it’s not your fault.” He looks up at me when I say his name. It’s dark so I can’t really see his expression but he looks sad and I wonder when the last time anyone’s said his name to him. I manage a small smile while I’m fighting back tears. 

He gets up suddenly and starts to leave. I want to say more to him, but all I do is tell him to wait and he turns back to me. I'm not sure what to say so I just go up to him and give him a hug, something I’ve been dying to do for a very long time. He hugs me back and buries his head my hair. I squeeze a little tighter not wanting to let go. He pulls away and without saying a word he walks toward my window, opens it, and jumps out. I guess that’s the same way he got in. I go to my window to close it and I see him jogging away from my house.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s a year and half later; today is the same normal day at work like it usually goes. When I get home I open my computer and check to see if there’s anything in the news about Bucky. I find nothing; I’m relieved because that means they haven’t found him. I wonder what he’s doing right now and where he is. I hope wherever he is he’s not alone. I want to look for him, but I’m not sure how. I go onto the Hydra database hoping it’s still running. I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for. 

After staring at the screen for ten minutes I get an idea. I could scan every security camera in America and see if he comes up. I know this is possible because that’s how Hydra used to find people. So I run a scan. It takes a few days to scan the whole country and nothing comes up. I decide to try expanding my search and scan North America. It takes a week and nothing comes up. I try it two more times. Still nothing. Either he’s not on the continent or he knows how to avoid cameras. I try scanning Europe; maybe he somehow managed to get on a plane or something. After the scan is done I get nothing so I try it again.

A couple of days later I get some news, something about an ex-Hydra agent causing chaos in Lagos. It doesn’t sound like something Bucky would do, but it’s the first lead I had in months so I take it. I book a flight to Murtala Muhammed International Airport in Nigeria. The soonest date is in six hours. So I pack my bags and call my work saying I’m going to take two weeks off. I don’t really care if they fire me even though I should, but Bucky is more important.

I’m almost to Lagos when I get a notification on my laptop saying that it found Bucky. He’s not in Nigeria, he’s in Romania. When I land I go to buy a ticket to Bucharest. The next flight is in five hours. I run another scan this time just in Romania to make sure he hasn’t left. When it’s done nothing comes up. I decide I’ll try again later; he might have just gone inside. I’m halfway there and my laptop says he’s still there. I get out of the airport, it starts to drizzle so I put my hood on. I go where my computer last said he was. I see someone that looks like him. 

He’s wearing a jacket and a baseball cap and I could see his long hair. I automatically look at his left hand, but he’s wearing gloves. So I start to follow him, not 100% convinced it’s him. He walks into an alleyway and I’m wondering if that’s where he sleeps when I turn the corner and he grabs me by my neck and pushes me against the wall. He immediately lets go when he sees that it’s me. He has that guilty look on his face and he asks me why I’m here. I feel a little awkward because I’m not sure what to say without sounding like a stalker so I just go with “I was looking for you.” He just sighs and walks away. I follow him and he doesn’t object.

We get to his apartment. It’s not very big, on the left side of the room there’s mattress on the floor with a sleeping bag on top, on the right side there’s table and a couple of chairs. At the back there’s a small kitchen and in front of the counter is a couch. I fell kind of sad thinking about him living his little apartment all by himself. I ask him how long he lived here for. “About a year” he says. He walks to the fridge and puts whatever was in the bag he was holding inside. I go up to him as he closes the fridge. I put my hand on his shoulder and ask him if he’s okay. 

He looks at me and he's about to say something but instead he just breaks down crying, so I hug him. I awkwardly pat him on the back while he puts his head into my shoulder and tell him everything’s going to be fine because I hear that’s what people say to someone when they’re crying. I’m not the best at handling any kind of feelings so I don’t say anything else. He pulls away and turns around probably embarrassed. So I walk towards the chair at the table and sit down with my back facing him. 

I know how uncomfortable it is show emotion around people so I give him some space. I take out my phone and check to see if there’s any Wi-Fi in this place. There isn’t, not that I’m surprised. I don’t have any texts or missed calls because I told my friends I was going to Africa for a couple of weeks to give clothes to the poor children. It was a total lie of course because I wasn’t going to tell them I was tracking down the Winter Soldier just to see how he was doing. My friends don’t even know I worked for Hydra. I have a lot to tell them when I get back that is if I decide to tell them. 

I check the time on my phone and it’s 1:06 PM and I’m feeling kind of hungry. I turn to Bucky, figuring I gave him enough time to pull himself together and ask if he ate anything yet, I ask him gently hoping he doesn’t burst into tears again. He just shakes his head. I suggest we go out to eat. “I don’t want really to go back outside” he tells me. Instead he makes us something and we eat in silence. It doesn't feel awkward, at least not for me. Usually I feel comfortable in these situations, I guess that's what happens when you're a lonely person, you learn to sit in silence and not feel uncomfortable about it. I wonder what Bucky is thinking right now, what does he think of me? Does he even like me or am I just an annoying person who disrupted his day and is eating all his food? Maybe I'm just being paranoid again. I don't know why, but I have this bad habit of thinking everyone hates me.

We finish eating and put our dishes in the sink. He goes to sit on the couch and I sit in the chair; I don’t want to sit too close to him because I’m not even sure how he feels about me. All of a sudden he says, “I’m sorry I tried to kill you” I tell him that it’s ok, “I know it’s not your fault” He still looks guilty so fuck it I get up and sit beside him. “Look, I know what Hydra did to you. All those people you killed; it wasn’t your fault, it’s theirs.” He doesn’t look convinced, “I was still there; I pulled the trigger. I know what it’s like to kill someone, to end someone’s life while they’re begging you not to kill them.” I don’t know what else to say so I just put my arm around him and put my head on his shoulder. 

Images of me shooting Hydra come back to me, I’m furious at them for doing this to him. Not only did they use him as a weapon and make him into a murderer, but they made him believe that he was responsible. We sit like that for about ten minutes, maybe more. I feel the rhythm of his breathing against my body, it's quiet and even. I'm hoping he can't feel my heartbeat because it's a few beats away from flying out of my chest, actually I'd be surprised if he couldn't hear it. I've imagined meeting him again so many times in my head, of course we were lot happier, but I don't mind this. I'm so comfortable I could fall asleep on him, which reminds me I don’t have a place to sleep so I reluctantly get up and tell him I have to go, but I’ll be back tomorrow. I hug him once more and leave. 

I go to a place called Café Verona and it has Wi-Fi so I search for cheap hotels that don’t look like the ones that people get murdered in. I find one that’s not too expensive and doesn’t look like it’s from that movie Vacancy. I go there and decide to book it for two weeks. I get to the room and sit on the bed. I didn’t bring a luggage, just a backpack, so there’s nothing to unpack. I take out my laptop for no other reason than just out of habit. 

I put it away and think about going back to Bucky’s apartment, but I feel like he’s probably had enough of me for one day so I don’t. I go outside to take some pictures and I think about posting them to Instagram when I remember that my friends think I’m in Africa doing some charity work. I go back to that café to get something to eat and wonder if Bucky had anything to eat yet. I remind myself that if he’s survived this long on his own he should be fine without me for a few hours.


	9. Chapter 9

The hotel I’m staying at has complimentary breakfast and it closes at 9:00 AM. I have to hurry because it’s 8:40. So I go downstairs and have some breakfast. I think about bringing some food for Bucky, but he must have eaten already and it’s probably weird if I do that. I don’t want to go right away so I head back upstairs to check the news. Nothing catches my attention, just the usual, a shooting in America, a car crash, and a robbery. I try to avoid the news because that’s all I ever see. I decide I’ve waited long enough so I make my way down the elevator and out towards Bucky’s apartment. I try to walk slowly, or at least I think I do, because I don’t want to get there too early. I don’t want him to think I’m obsessed with him or anything. 

I knock on his door and he answers after a few minutes. He looks tired, like he didn’t sleep and I want to give him a hug, but decide not to, I feel like I’ve invaded his personal space enough times. This time we go out to eat at the same café I went to yesterday. I break our silence by asking him why he came to Romania. “This is where my mom is from.” I didn’t even know that about him. “Well, it’s a beautiful place.” “I never noticed.” “Sometimes you have to stop and look around.” He just shrugs. I don't know what else to say so I take out my phone and start taking pictures of the flowers. “What are you doing?” he asks. “I’m just taking some pictures.” “With your phone?” I laugh, “There’s a lot you need to catch up on.” I want to show him what else my phone does but he’s seems uninterested. I remember that he grew up in a different time where technology wasn't a big thing. I want to ask him about it, but I'm not sure if I should bring up his past.

We get up, say goodbye, and I go back to my hotel. I saw a nice book store on my way back and figure I’ll check it out tomorrow. Maybe I’ll bring Bucky. So the next day I ask him if he wants to go to a book store with me. “Sure,” he says. He doesn’t sound enthusiastic, but at least he agreed to come. The book store is called Cărtureşti Verona and it’s near the café we went to. It’s beautiful inside and of course I have to take some pictures. I feel like such a tourist because I am. 

I turn to Bucky and ask him if he likes to read. “I used to,” he says. He has a sad and longing look on his face and I’m angry at Hydra again. I try to suppress that feeling; I don’t want them to ruin my mood. I start looking at some books and feel a lot better, just the sight of so many books fills me with happiness. I tell myself that I’m only allowed to buy one book, so after an hour I finally decide which one it is. It’s a book called Povestea unei iubiri zbuciumate [The story of a troubled love] by Horacio Quiroga. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover but it’s really pretty, it’s a rose on top of a piano. Of course it’s in Romanian, but I understand the language. I go the pay for it and we leave. 

Bucky was silent most of the time just following me wherever I went. It’s kind of cute actually. He tells me he has work tomorrow and won’t finish until after five. I didn’t know he had a job, but then again how else would afford to stay here? When we say goodbye I hug him again, but this time I kiss him on the cheek. He doesn’t really respond to it so I’m not sure if he was ok with it or not. I mean I still have no idea how he feels about me, he doesn’t exactly like to open up very often. 

On the fourth day of my stay at Bucharest, Bucky and I just go for a walk. Apparently I know more about this place than he does and he’s been here 361 days longer than me. I mean I’m just guessing since he said he’s been here for a year. We go to the Memorialul Renaşterii [Memorial of Rebirth]. It’s a giant pyramid shaped pillar with a metal sphere or crown as it’s supposed to symbolize, piercing it at about one third of the way down. At the base of the pillar is a statue like figure that I’m guessing symbolizes when they overthrew Nicolae Ceauşescu of his communist regime. “Do you know what this is?” I ask him. He shakes his head. I tell him it’s a memorial for the Romanian Revolution of 1989. That he knows about. 

It starts to rain. We ignore it because it’s just a light rain. I think about taking a selfie with him, but I doubt he'd want to. I imagine that to other people we look like a normal couple on vacation, but we're far from normal. I look around at the crowd that's dispersing now because of the rain. Some people are running for cover and others, like us, don't seem bothered by the rain including two women pushing a baby carriage who I notice Bucky is looking at with curiosity. I realize it's probably because in the time that he's from people weren't allowed to marry or even love someone of the same-sex. I tell him that same-sex marriage became legal everywhere in the United States on June 26, 2015 and in 2005 in Canada. I don't know when it became legal in Romania so I don't tell him but I make a note for myself look it up. He looks at me surprised and I think he's smiling.

The rain start to get heavy and we have to leave. I don’t mind, though, I love the rain. We walk back to his apartment. I’m soaking wet and desperately need to take a shower, but I don’t have a change of clothes on me. I tell Bucky this and he gives me one of his sweaters to change into. In the bathroom I notice the mirror is shattered and I wonder if he did that or if it was already like that. 

After I shower I dry up, put my hair up in a bun, and put on Bucky’s sweater. I try not to think too much about it, but I look at myself in the mirror to see how it looks on me. It's kind of big on me of course and the bottom just reaches above my knees. I get out of the bathroom and see Bucky sitting on the couch writing something down in a notebook. “Your sweater is so comfortable, I think I’m going to keep it” I joke. He’s silent and doesn’t look up from his notebook. I go to sit beside him and he quickly closes it and puts it away. “I was kidding” I say. He still doesn’t say anything he just has a distant look on his face. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Nothing” he replies. I lean closer to him, “You can tell me.” He turns his head to look at me. Our faces are inches apart. It looks like he’s about to say something, but I’m not really paying attention. I start leaning in closer. 

That was a mistake. He pulls back. Before he can say anything I get up and say, “I’m sorry.” Now I’m embarrassed, what was I thinking? I go back into the bathroom to change into my wet clothes. When I get out he’s standing up facing away from me. I put his sweater on the chair and leave without another word. I’m so mad at myself. I need to control myself better around him, but I couldn’t help it. I don’t know if I should go back. I mean, what would I say to him? Do I even mention it? Ugh, I wish it didn’t even happen. I decide I’ll go back tomorrow and pretend it never happened and hope that he does the same.

I take longer to get to his apartment this time not eager to face him again. The closer I get the more nervous I feel. What if he doesn’t want me to come back again? I push down all my fear and knock on his door. It only takes him two minutes to open the door, but it feels like forever. “Hi,” I say feeling my face getting hot. He doesn’t move. Not a good sign. “I don’t think you should come here anymore.” This is what I dreaded. “Can’t we just forget about what happened yesterday?” I hold back tears. “I know how you feel about me, and I just don’t feel the same way.” I try not to let that hurt me. “I get that and I’m ok with us just being friends,” I forget to breathe. “I don’t want you to come here.” “Oh,” I exhale. That hurt a lot. “Ok, fine, I won’t come back again.” 

I turn and walk away. I feel so stupid. Why did I think that anything could ever happen between us? Angry tears stream down my face. I should never have come here; I don’t know what I was thinking. Everything hurts right now, I feel numb. I just want to fall on the floor and never get up. For two years I’ve been in love with Bucky, I’ve always fantasized about us being free from Hydra and being together, but I’ve never thought about him not sharing those same feelings.

I go back to the hotel to figure out what I’m going to do. I have to leave I know that, but I’m not sure where I’ll go next. I still have nine days left of my vacation. Maybe I’ll just go home. I open up my laptop to book a flight. Before I do I check the news. I see something that catches my interest; some of the Avengers are going to Vienna to sign the Sokovia Accords in three days. Probably something to do with the bombing that happened in Lagos five days ago. So I decide I’ll go there and talk to Steve, tell him where Bucky is. I order train tickets to Vienna and check out of my hotel.


	10. Chapter 10

I get to Vienna and find a place to wait until they get here. To my disappointment Steve doesn’t show up. The only Avenger here is Natasha and I’m not sure if I can trust her with this information. I go to a café down the street from the UN building. I order a coffee and a muffin and stay there for an hour browsing through Instagram. My friends had a party with their friends that I don’t know the names of. 

They go to a lot of parties and meet a lot of people, but I’m not like them. I keep to myself most of the time and have only three friends. Sometimes I question why my friends still hang out with me. I like some pictures of the party, read some comments, and then close the app. I’m just about to get up and leave when I hear an explosion. It’s the UN building. Who the hell would blow up the UN, they promote peace? It makes no sense. 

I don’t leave the café just yet, there’s chaos outside. The chaos doesn’t die down until about an hour later and a lot of people have taken shelter in the café. They’re broadcasting it on the news. It’s in Austrian German; it’s different from the German I know so I have a hard time understanding. I don’t need to translate anymore when I see a photo of someone that looks like Bucky. Apparently it is since they’ve just mentioned his name. It can’t be him, he’s in Romania. I guess I’m going back to Bucharest. I have to warn him that they’re after him. I just hope I get there before they do.

I get on the next train and I’m anxious to get there not really paying attention to my surroundings. I finally get there and head for his apartment. I know he said that he didn’t want to see me anymore, but this is important. On the way to his apartment I see him at a newspaper stand. I don’t want to draw attention to him so I wait until he walks away and I go up beside him. “It wasn’t me,” He says without looking at me. “I know I came here to tell you that they’re looking for you and you have to leave” “I have to go back to my apartment first.” He says. “There’s no time for that, the police are coming now.” He ignores me and walks faster. I have to jog to keep up. 

We get up the stairs in front of his door and it’s ajar. He stops me and tells me to wait here. He walks up to it and slowly goes inside. I don’t hear any commotion, it’s quiet. I step a bit closer and hear someone talking, it’s Steve. I feel relieved; he can help Bucky get out of here. I hear footsteps and voices coming from the stairwell. I look down to see a group of police officers running up. I don’t want to interrupt their reunion, but I can’t wait any longer. 

I go inside the room. Steve sees me and lifts up shield. “It’s ok,” Bucky says “She’s a friend.” I smile when he calls me his friend. “We have to go,” I say trying to repress my smile, but that happy feeling goes away when a grenade comes through the window. Steve deflects it with his shield. Another bomb comes in right in front of me and Bucky. He kicks it to Steve and he covers it with the shield. Bucky pulls me closer to him and grabs his mattress to block whoever’s shooting at us outside. 

“You have to get out of here,” he says to me. We run to the back door. There are two guys outside with guns. I grab the gun of the one that’s closest to me and hold it up so he can’t shoot me. I kick him in the nuts and he lets go of the gun so I hit him in the head with the butt of the gun. I see the fire escape that I’m supposed to go down, but I hesitate and look at Bucky. “Go. Get the hell out of here!” He yells at me. So I run down the fire escape. I don’t want to leave him, but I can’t take all of these guys. I’ll just get in the way. The sound of shooting and furniture breaking dies down the further I go. 

When I get to the bottom I lean against the wall to take a minute to catch my breath. I’m worried about Bucky. I have to remind myself that he’s way stronger than those guys and he has Steve to help him. He’ll be fine. I think about how Bucky was living here for a year just trying to rebuild his life. Everything was fine before that explosion. I’m looking up at the sky reminiscing about the time I spent here with Bucky, the time before I screwed everything up when I almost kissed him. 

All of a sudden I see someone jump from the building I’m leaning on to the one beside it. It looks like Bucky. I’m happy for a few minutes thinking that he got away when I see a helicopter shooting at the rooftop. Then someone dressed in a bird suit smashes into the helicopter and knocked it away from the roof. That must be Sam. I feel a rush of gratitude for the guy, he doesn’t even know Bucky and yet he’ll help him anyways. Then I see Steve jump to the building. The helicopter regroups and starts moving forward. 

I follow where it’s shooting and see that it’s now aiming at the streets. I get out of the alley way and see Bucky running towards a tunnel followed by some dude in a black body suit with cat ears and Steve is tailing him. I follow where they run, not wanting to lose them. I know Bucky wouldn’t want me to follow, but if I don’t then I’ll probably never see him again. I see someone getting into their car and pull them out telling them I need to borrow it, it’s an emergency. I committed my first crime of grand left auto; my first crime of anything really. 

I drive into the tunnel and see Steve running so I follow him. He’s in and out of my view because of the cop cars that are chasing him. Then he jumps onto one of them and when it stops he gets in. I find myself enjoying this way too much. It’s not every day that I get to participate in a car chase. The cat man jumps onto Steve's car and when Falcon flies by he jumps onto him, Sam is trying to push him off. I see a small explosion up ahead and Steve’s car suddenly is rolling. I slow down to a stop and get out. 

The weird cat guy is almost on top of Bucky when Steve tackles him to the ground. That’s when I see the police cars surrounding us. I run up next to Bucky. “What are doing here? I told you to get out of here,” He says. “I couldn’t leave you,” I tell him. I mean it’s not as if he doesn’t know that I like him. The police have their guns pointed at us. Two of them grab Bucky and force him onto the ground. I fight the urge to kick them both in the ass. The guy in the cat suit takes off his mask. I recognize him as T’Chaka’s son, T’Challa. It makes sense to me now, his father died in the explosion; he’s probably here for revenge.


	11. Chapter 11

The cops get me, Steve, and Sam in a cop car, with T’Challa in the front. They took my backpack; I didn’t want them to take it because it has my laptop in it which is pretty much my life, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Trailing behind us is a giant car. It’s a special car for Bucky and they have him in there in a glass cage. It makes me angry that they put him in a cage like some kind of animal. Sam looks at me with a weird look and it occurs to me that he’s never seen me before. “Hi, I’m Cassidy,” I introduce myself awkwardly. He still looks at me strange. “I’m a friend of Bucky’s,” I explain. “I didn’t know he had any friends, other than Steve.” “It’s a long story.” It’s silent for a while until Sam breaks the silence asking T’Challa if he likes cats. I almost laugh out loud but stop myself.

After seventeen hours in the back of cop car we arrive in Berlin. They’re unloading the truck with Bucky in it and I look at him. He’s looking away. I feel bad for him, he didn't do anything wrong and yet he's being treated like a criminal. We meet up with a CIA agent named Sharon Carter and a man in a silver suit that I don’t recognize. “This is Everett Ross,” Sharon answers my silent question. “What’s going to happen to him?” Steve asks referring to Bucky. “Same thing that oughta happen to you; psychiatric evaluation and extradition.” As if any of them committed a crime, but I don’t say anything. They usher us down a hallway. I’m reluctant to follow, I don’t want to leave Bucky there, but I don’t have a choice.

We follow them into the hallway where I see Natasha Romanoff, “For the record this is what making it worse looks like.” “He’s alive,” Steve replies. I see Tony talking on the phone about the incident. After they take away Sam and Steve’s uniforms they take us into a small room. Sharon is with me and Sam in one room. Steve joins Tony in another room. Sharon looks at me questionably. “She a friend of Bucky’s” Sam says. Sharon looks at Sam and he just shrugs. “What happened?” Sharon asked Sam. “We almost got away but T’Challa shows up in some cat suit and got in the way.” 

As Steve joins us in the room Sharon hands Sam a receipt for their costumes. “Bird costume?” I hear Sam say. “I didn’t write it” Sharon responds. Probably T’Challa wrote it to get back at Sam for asking him if he liked cats. Steve stands quietly in the corner of the room. I don’t really know any of these people well so I don’t say anything and I feel awkward. The monitor on the TV turns on and it’s Bucky in his glass cage. Some guy off camera is speaking to him. 

"I'm not here to judge you, I just want to ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are, James?” the guy asks, I’m assuming he’s the psychiatrist that they hired to speak to him. Bucky is silent. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, James.” “My name is Bucky.” That makes me smile, but I also feel sad for him. Steve, Sharon, and Sam are talking, but I’m paying attention to the TV. “Tell me Bucky you’ve seen a great deal haven’t you?” “I don’t wanna talk about it.” "You feel that if you open your mouth the horrors might never stop." I can’t see the guy, but I want to punch him in the face. What can he accomplish by asking these questions anyways? “Don't worry, we only have to talk about one.” I’m not sure what he means by this. 

All of a sudden the power goes out. “Sub Level 5 East Wing,” Sharon says to Steve and Sam and they start to run out of the room. When I try to follow, Steve yells at me to stay here. I don’t listen, but Sharon grabs my arm to stop me. I mean it’s not like I’ll be any help anyway. I follow Sharon out of the room where she joins Tony and Natasha. We go down to the hall toward a staircase which leads to the cafeteria. 

Through the glass I can see Bucky fighting a bunch of CIA agents. What did that guy do to him? He fights Tony and knocks him to the ground. Then I do something really stupid, I go up to Bucky and call his name, maybe I can try breaking him free of his mind control. Nope. He turns around and back hands me with his metal arm. It’s like I ran into a pole, I almost fall to the ground, but I steady myself against a chair. I see him fighting Sharon and he throws her onto a table. 

I go up behind him silently this time. I don’t want to hurt him, but what choice do I have? I kick his legs so that he goes down on his knees and I put my foot on his back and push him to the ground with as much force as I can. I feel horrible and whisper an apology to him. I kneel on top of him to keep him from getting up. “Bucky? Are you there?” He quickly lifts himself up and launches me a couple of feet into the air. I hit the ground hard and I can’t get up. I’m seeing stars and I probably have a concussion. 

I take a few minutes wondering if I should just give up because there’s no way I can take him. I can’t do that; I can’t let someone else stop him. What if they try to kill him again? The thought of that is enough to bring myself back up. When I get up he’s gone. I see Tony propping himself up on the chair, Natasha is leaning against a table breathing hard, Sharon is unconscious on top of a broken table, and T’Challa is standing at end of the hallway looking confused. There’s also a bunch of CIA agents on the ground, it’s hard to tell if they’re dead or just out cold. 

I go outside not sure what to do or where to go. I find Sam holding a jacket looking around. I go up to him and ask where Steve is. “That’s what I’d like to know.” I look up at the building and see a helicopter hanging at the side. It looks like its being held back by something. In all the chaos happening on the ground nobody else seems to notice. It crashes and it falls towards the river. Steve is hanging on to it. I’m guessing Bucky was inside of that. I stare at the river where the helicopter fell and wait until I see Steve surface to the top holding Bucky. I nudge Sam and point to the river. 

He ditches the jacket and finds a getaway car. It’s a small Volkswagen Beetle and I’m wondering how we’re all going to fit. After he breaks in and hot wires it he says, “Get in.” and we drive toward the river. Steve sees Sam and carries Bucky to the car and gently puts him down in the back seat. He’s unconscious. “Is he okay?” I ask. “Yeah, I think so.” I get in the back beside him. Steve and Sam give each other a look and they get in. I realize it’s because they have no idea who I really am or why I care so much about Bucky. I’m not in a hurry to tell them that I used to work at Hydra; I’m not sure how they’ll take it.


	12. Chapter 12

We’re driving to a safe place to get away from the government. I feel Bucky’s head slowly fall onto my shoulder. I want to put my arm around him and let him rest on me, but I don’t. I prop him back up and gently push him away so he’s leaning against the other side. We get to an abandoned warehouse and Steve carries Bucky inside. He finds a giant machine; a vise, and puts his left arm in it. “We don’t know what state he’ll be in when he wakes up,” Steve says it to us, but I think he’s mostly talking to himself, trying to justify holding Bucky there against his will. I lean against the wall and slide down. “I’m exhausted,” I announce out loud, “I don’t know how you guys do this all the time.” “I’ve been asking myself the same question for two years,” Sam replies. 

I put my hand on the left side of my face, it feels swollen, and I feel that I have a black eye and my head is pounding, but I try to ignore it. I’ll be fine. Sam and Steve leave the room. It takes about ten minutes for Bucky to wake up. He doesn’t notice me at first. He looks panicked, like he doesn’t know where he is or who has him hostage. Then he sees me sitting in the corner. He looks slightly relieved as I get up and walk toward him. I crouch in front of him so our faces are leveled and ask him if he’s okay. “I’m fine.” he puts his hand on my face and traces his thumb under my black eye, “I hurt you.” I shake my head, “It’s ok, I’ll be fine.” He drops his hand from my face and I get up to go notify Steve and Sam that Bucky is awake. 

Steve makes sure that Bucky is himself and asks him what the doctor wanted. He says something about Siberia and I'm trying to think back to his files that I read. I remember that file; most of it was redacted with only the words: Mission Report, December 16, 1991 and Siberia. I recognize the date though, it was when he was ordered to kill Howard and Maria Stark. The reason was also redacted. 

Bucky tells us that were other winter soldiers and he had to train them, but they couldn't be controlled so they were put back into cryo and to this day were never woken. They sound dangerous but I can’t help but to picture them like Bucky; scared and confused. “We’re not going to kill them are we? I mean we should try to save them.” Bucky turns to me and he’s smiling a little. My heart flutters and I smile back at him. He stops smiling, but he still looks at me “I know what you’re thinking, but these guys aren’t like me. They were already killers before the serum; there’ll be nothing to save them from.” Well I know for sure that I won’t be able to kill them. Bucky is still looking at me and I can’t look away. Sam clears his throat and we break our eye contact. “We should hurry up if we want to beat this guy.” We get up to go. 

I don’t say it out loud, but I have a doubt in my mind that we won’t make it in time. Zemo could be halfway to Siberia right now. Steve takes out his phone as we’re getting to the car. I can’t hear what he’s saying from here, but Sam explains to us that he met someone last year that could help us with this. We’re waiting by the car for Steve as he makes another phone call. I look at Sam and he shrugs. Me and Bucky sit in the back and Sam gets in the passenger side. 

Steve gets in the driver’s seat, “We’re going to meet up with Sharon. She’s bringing our uniforms.” Sam snorts, “Once again your girlfriend is coming to save the day.” Steve gives him a dirty look. I don’t know what Sam’s referring to, I don’t remember Sharon helping out before. Last time I saw her she was lying unconscious on top of a table so she must have done something before that. Still it’s good hear that she’s not dead. 

On our way to meet up with Sharon, Bucky turns and looks at me, “You don’t have to come with us.” I’m kind of offended that Bucky doesn’t want me there, but not surprised. “I want to help.” “I wasn’t asking. We have enough help already.” “You don’t think I can do this.” I say as a fact, not a question. “Any one of us can get hurt; I just don’t want you to risk your life.” “But I-“ “Please,” he says quietly. He looks at me with fear and sadness in his eyes. I sigh, “Fine, I’ll stay behind.” As we turn the corner I see Sharon waiting there.

Steve gets out of the car and goes over to Sharon; we can’t hear what they’re saying. Bucky asks Sam if he could move his seat up. The car is pretty small; I don’t know how we all managed to fit. Sam says no so Bucky moves closer to my side. I’m trying my best to contain myself with Bucky sitting so close to me. Steve and Sharon talk for a bit then Steve kisses her. It was short, more like a “thank you” kiss, rather than an “I like you and want to be with you” kiss. After that she hands Steve their gear, to my surprise she also brought my backpack. Steve gets back in the car and hands Sam his wings and me my bag. 

Sam is clapping and saying it’s about time while Bucky is congratulating him for having his first since WWII. Steve ignores them and asks more about this guy that Sam knows. Probably to change the subject of him kissing Sharon. Sam tells us that his name is Scott Lang. He found him at the Avengers base in Upstate New York. Sam doesn’t go into more detail, there’s something he’s not telling us. Scott goes by the alias Ant Man referring to the fact he can shrink in size. We arrive at the Flughafen Leipzig and park beside a white van. Steve and Sam have to get out first because there are no doors in the back. I get out no problem, but Bucky, being the huge guy he is, struggles while Sam laughs at him. I go around the car to help him out.

Clint opens the car door and Scott Lang jerks awake. He’s confused at first but then he’s awestruck at the sight of Steve Rogers and he can’t stop shaking his hand. When he stops vigorously shaking Steve’s hand he grabs his shoulders “Jeez” he says. I’m quietly laughing to myself, I like this guy already. He addresses Sam and Sam says something about an audition. I’m not sure what they’re talking about. I’m guessing they fought before and Scott won, that’s probably what he wasn’t telling us earlier. 

I hear on the PA system that they’re evacuating the airport. Bucky translates this out loud for everyone to hear. “Suit up,” Steve says. Clint gives Bucky a black ski jacket and black pants. It only takes Bucky a couple of minutes to change his clothes while every else is putting on their uniforms. Wanda goes inside the van, Scott goes behind the van, and Clint goes to the front, Steve and Sam are at the trunk of our buggy. Bucky looks down at his left arm and rips off the sleeve. 

I start to laugh and he looks at me. He pulls me to the side of the car “As soon as we leave you’re getting out of here.” “I know, once you guys get on that helicopter I’ll drive away.” “I’ll come find you if...” he stops himself and looks down “…after we come back.” “You guys will make it,” I assure him. He looks at me again. There’s strand of hair in his eyes, I have the urge to move it from his face. I don’t want him to think I’m going to try to kiss him again, so I slowly bring up my hand to move his hair. 

He doesn’t move away instead he leans in closer. With my hand still on his face he kisses me. I’m so shocked, I didn’t except that, I think my heart stopped. He’s very gentle; he puts his hands on my waist to pull me closer while I run my hand through his hair. My other hand is on his shoulder and we’re leaning against the car. If it weren’t for the car and Bucky supporting my weight I’d probably collapse on the ground. 

He breaks away from me, but I pull him back in, I’m not done yet. I can feel him smiling and it makes me smile too. After we stop we stare at each other for a second. “I have to go,” he says and he quickly kisses me once more. “I’ll see you later,” he says as he lets go of me. My arms fall to my side, I’m shaking slightly. “Yeah,” I reply breathless, “I’ll see you later.” Hopefully, I add in my mind. I tell myself to shut up because I have to stay positive. 

As he joins the others I can hear Sam say, “What’s with you two today?” referring to both Steve and Bucky kissing someone. I hear Bucky laughing and it makes me laugh. I get my backpack out of the trunk. I sit in the driver's seat and take my laptop out and hack into the airport’s surveillance cameras to make sure they get out. They’re stopped by Iron Man and War Machine.


	13. Chapter 13

There's chaos; they're all fighting. Nobody is seriously injured. They're all trying hard not to kill each other; except T'Challa. He's trying to kill Bucky. He hasn't succeeded but he came close once, but luckily Wanda stopped him. I thought it was over for the other side when I saw Ant Man turn huge, but they managed to knock him down, still Steve and Bucky made it to the hangar and they fly away. 

I’m waiting for them to leave on the plane when I see someone fall from the sky. I couldn’t see who it was. I know I should be leaving right now, but I have to see if that person is okay, I might be able to help. I get out of the car and run to where they are. I see Tony holding them; it’s Rhodey. I see Sam on the floor, but he’s moving so I walk past him and ask Tony if Rhodes is alright. Without looking at me he says, “He’s alive.” “Is there anything I can do, I’m a doctor maybe I can help.” “No, I don’t need your help; medical emergency is on their way.” I go to Sam and help him up, “You alright?” I ask him. “Yeah, I’m good.” “Let’s go see if everyone else is okay.” 

I walk towards the airport and see Scott lying on the ground, he’s awake. I help him up and ask how he’s doing. “Fine,” he responds, “Just a little tired.” I can relate to that. I look around and see Sam talking to Clint. I hear sirens in the distance; it must be the EMT, most likely followed by the police. Not good, I’m going to get arrested again. Bucky will probably be mad. Where ever he’s going, though, is much worse than jail. 

I see the police running toward me and Scott. “Not again,” I hear Scott say under his breath. They put us in hand cuffs. I hear Wanda scream and Clint yells something unintelligible. When we get closer to the cop car I see Wanda. She has a shock collar around her neck. What the hell? It looks like they used it on her already and Clint looks like he`s been hit by an officer. I’m pissed; I thought the government was better than this. A helicopter lands ten feet away and they walk us toward it. I thought they were going to take us back to the government facility in Berlin. None of us say anything to each other, but all of us look angry. 

We fly over the ocean and a giant underground building surfaces. Is this really where they`re going to keep us? When we get inside I see Secretary Ross. As I go by I say to Ross, “I didn’t know the government was working with Hydra.” “We’re not associated with that organisation in any way,” He tells me calmly. I raise my voice slightly, “You may not be working with them, but you certainly aren’t any better than them.” 

I start to lose my cool “Wanda’s in a shock collar because you fear her powers and you’re putting innocent people in jail because they didn’t do what you told them to! What’s next!? Are you going to take away our memories, are you going to make us kill people for you!? [I’m not ready to comply!]” I yell the last part in Russian. One of the guard starts toward me with a night stick. “What are you going to do?” I yell, “Are you going to beat me until I do what you say?” He takes out a taser and stuns me. Not my best moment. I fall to the ground as the bolts course through me. 

Sam was lagging behind the whole time watching me embarrass myself. “Move or you’re next!” The guard who’s dragging me barks at him. I’m only half conscious but I manage to tell the guard, “You think you’re fighting for peace, but you’re not.” He brings me into a cell and gives me a change of prison clothing. “Are you okay?” Sam calls from the cell beside me. “Yeah, I’m fine.” “You gotta be more careful.” “I know, but I just can’t stand the thought of the government treating you guys like this.” I’m still really angry, I can’t believe these people. Treating the Avengers like criminals, treating Wanda like an animal. It’s disgusting and I’m glad Steve and the others didn’t sign those accords.

Wanda is put in a solitary confinement so it’s just me, Clint, Scott, and Sam on one floor. Tony arrives and Clint starts sarcastically clapping. “The futurist gentlemen, the futurist is here. He sees all, he knows what’s best for you whether you like it or not,” he says. “Give me a break Barton, I had no idea they’d put you here. Come on.” “Yeah, well you knew they’d put us somewhere, Tony.” “Yeah, but not some super max floating ocean pokey, you know. This place is for maniacs, this is a place for…” “Criminals. Criminals, Tony, I think that’s the word you’re looking for, right? That didn’t used to mean me or Sam or Wanda, but here we are.” “Cause you broke the law, I didn’t make you.” Clint isn’t really paying attention. “You read it, you broke it, alright. You’re all grown up; you got a wife and kids. I don’t understand. Why didn’t you think about them before you chose the wrong side?” 

Clint gets up and bangs on the glass, “You gotta watch your back with this guy, there’s a chance he’s gonna break it.” Tony walks past Scott and Scott says, “Hank Pim always said you never can trust a Stark.” Tony looks at him confused, “Who are you?” “Come on man…” He turns to Sam. They talk about Rhodey. Tony admits to Sam that he was wrong and he found about the fake doctor. He asks Sam where Steve and Bucky went. "Ok, I'll tell you, but you have to go alone and as a friend."

Everyone seems on edge except for Scott, I’m guessing he’s been in jail before. Sam asks him why he’s so content; he just shrugs and says “This isn’t new for me…except the part about it being under water.” Clint asks Scott if he has a family, “Yeah, I have a daughter. And you?” We know Clint is married and has kids because of what Tony said. “Yeah, I have a wife and three kids. What about you, Sam?” “I have my mother, my dad died when I was young.” “I’m sorry.” Clint and Scott say at the same time. 

“It’s alright; he died a hero. He confronted a group of teenagers beating a young kid and tried to stop them, but unfortunately one of the teens shot him. I will never forget his last words to me; he said ’Remember Sam, it’s not just what we do in life that matters; it’s the evil we don’t confront that defines us.’ I’ve lived by those words ever since.” There’s silence probably taking in what Sam said about his father. Then it’s my turn, but I’m not really in the mood to talk about my family. Finally Sam speaks up “What about you, Cassidy?” I sigh and say, “It’s complicated.” 

After a few hours we learned a bit more about each other. Clint was an orphan when he was young and he and his brother ran away to join the circus, Scott used to be a burglar, he'd steal from criminals and give back to those they stole from, and Sam talked about his time in the war and his friend Riley. The only thing I tell them is that my parents worked for Hydra, but I don’t go into any detail. 

Then Steve breaks us out. We get into a helicopter out of here. He fills us in on what happened. I’m angry, but I don’t speak. I can’t believe Tony tried to kill Bucky. I get that he killed his parents, but it was against his will, and to want him dead is a little extreme. “How is he?” I ask Steve. “He’s…fine.” I don’t like the way he answers that, “What happened?” “Uh, well as we were fighting Bucky sort of lost his arm.” “Which one?” I automatically say. “His left.” Oh ok, I mean that’s still bad and it probably hurt like hell, but that could be replaced. 

We land in a jungle area. Steve said we’re in Wakanda. It’s the country T’Challa is the king of. I look at Steve confused. Before I can ask Steve says, “He found out who really killed his father and now he wants to help Bucky.” Well, that’s nice of him. We go into the facility and we’re greeted by T’Challa. “Welcome to Wakanda,” he says. I’m not really paying attention, I’m thinking about Bucky. I’m about to ask where Bucky is when T’Challa tells me to follow him. 

He takes me into a room that looks like a really high tech operating room. I see Bucky sitting up on a table wearing a white tank top and pants. I’m not used to seeing him in white, but he looks good. I smile when I see him and he smiles back. I go up to him and hug him then I kiss him on the lips. Yeah I can do that now. “How are you feeling?” I ask. “I’ll live,” he says. “Well at least you didn’t lose your right arm, then you’d have to have two metal arms.” I say half joking. He laughs softly. 

He looks at me like he’s about to say something but stops. “What is it?” I ask. “There’s something I have to tell you.” I start to get nervous; he’s probably going to tell me to leave again. “You know how that fake doctor was able to get control of my mind?” “Yeah.” “I just want to make sure that won’t happen again.” He looks past me and I turn around. Behind me is something that looks the cryo tank he used to be held in. 

I turn back to Bucky “Are you sure you want to do this again?” “It’s only until they’re able to fix whatever’s in my head.” I don’t want him to do it, but I also know I can’t stop him. If this is what will make him feel better then why should I stop him? “I will do everything I can to help them.” “I know you will.” I’m about to cry, but I hold myself together. I kiss Bucky one more time and he gets down from the table and into the tank. Steve is here too and we both watch as Bucky goes into stasis. 

Steve walks away to the window and T’Challa goes over to talk to him. I walk up to the doctors and see on of them with the winter soldier book. She's got a pen and paper and is translating the book. I ask for her name. “Shuri,” She tells me. “I’m Cassidy; it’s nice to meet you.” “Same to you,” Shuri says. "Thank you for your help," I say to her. "It is no problem and don't worry Sargent Barnes is in good hands," She smiles at me. "I trust you." It's true. I don't know her well, but I can tell she's really smart. I just don't know how long it will take. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the story for now. Since it's based on the MCU I want to wait for Infinity War to come out before I start posting again. I am working on another story that's canon to this. It's going to be Bucky's past in like the 30's so hopefully I'll finish it soon.


End file.
